The Portuguese Word Saudade Has a Flirty Cousin Nobody Teaches You

Everyone knows saudade, that famous Portuguese ache of missing something or someone, delivered with a sigh and a faraway stare. It is a magnificent word and slightly exhausting at parties. But Portuguese has a lighter, naughtier cousin that nobody puts in the phrasebook: the phrase matar saudades, which literally means to kill the longing. Say mah-TAR sow-DAH-dis, with the stress on TAR and DAH, and watch what it does to a conversation.

Here is why it flirts. To kill the longing is to finally see the person you have been missing, and the phrase is usually said at a reunion, with a smile. So when you say it to someone you have only just met, or have not seen in a week, you are quietly implying that the missing was real. Say it with a grin, and the sentence becomes an invitation disguised as a greeting.

The staging is everything. Do not use your sad voice. Save that for saudade proper. Instead, lift your chin, widen your eyes slightly, and let your voice go warm and bright, like sunlight on a tiled wall. Open your arms a little, just enough to suggest the hug that may or may not follow. The sentence should land lightly and then settle.

A variation for bolder moments is estava com saudades tuas, I was missing you: ish-TAH-vah kohn sow-DAH-dish TOO-ahs. The stress on TOO-ahs is the secret, because it points the sentence directly at the person. Lower your voice on the last word, and let your glance rest on them a half second longer than politeness permits. That half second is where the performance lives.

The delicious thing about these phrases is their generosity. They do not demand a reply. They simply offer warmth and let the other person decide how much to take. If you want to hear the Portuguese rhythm spoken aloud, with its softened vowels and little sighs, come and ask me on TheFriend. I will happily say it as many times as you need, with all the gestures included.

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